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por Brasigóis Felício
Esta vem de Aldir Blanc, lúcido e equilibrado parceiro de João Bosco, no clássico O bêbado e o equilibrista. Reconto, assim, do meu jeito: João das Mercês, sambista de mão cheia, um dos melhores sujeitos que conheceu, por sua generosidade e bom caráter, passava por um bar boêmio, um buteco junta-cuspe, nos fundões de Botafogo, quando viu Zé Bordel, um cachaceiro inveterado, cabisbaixo, a namorar um copázio de cachaça. Um limão da casa ao lado, escoltava sua ancestral tristeza. Nem um magro torresmo, torrado a esmo, guarnecia sua pobreza crônica - agravada pela sujeira, que o bêbado sem equilíbrio é avesso a água de banho, e por seu estado parecia que estava ali, escornado, a atrair para sua triste figura revoadas de urubus.
Sujeito dotado de um coração desmedido, João das Mercês, que não deixava amigo na chapada, apiedou-se da situação do coitado, ali, a encenar um caso verdade dos mais depressivos. Estava a caminho de uma festa de bacana, onde só havia gente rica, bem vestida e bonita. Quem sabe se, levando-o a desfrutar do convívio de pessoas opostas à sua triste figura, o Zé Bordel não se alegraria? Seguindo o indicado por seu grande coração, convidou o entristecido amigo a ir consigo ao banquete onde só haveriam gentis convivas. Convite aceito, de pronto. Zé Bordel não era de enjeitar parada - ainda mais sendo apetecível, a garantir bóia boa, bebidas requintadas e supimpas - tudo a custo zero, o que mais convinha à petição de miséria em que vivia.
Uma vez chegando ao cenário da festa de bacana (uma mansão translumbrante, mais parecendo cenário de filme holyywoodiano) João coração grande, convidado convidante, deixou Zé Bordel ,meio no canto, para não dar na vista, uma vez que nas narinas já vinha dando - tal a fedentina de sebo ardido em que se achava o amigo. Deixou-o em uma mesa de canto, a molhar o bico com um conhaque de rico, e saiu a cumprimentar os conhecidos. Antes cuidou que não faltasse tira-gosto ao amigo, acostumado a passar mal de boca.
Estava numa roda de bacanas, em que só havia gente da alta roda, quando o requintado recinto foi abalado pelo estrondo de uma bomba: Zé Bordel não só entrou na piscina de atrevido, de roupa e tudo, ensebado e fedido como estava, mas o fez como um terrorista urbano, um Bin Laden da boemia fundamentalista, em ataque ao discreto charme da burguesia. A piscina, de águas tão límpidas que uma pessoa com deficiência visual veria um cisco lá no fundão, sofreu um abalo sísmico de seis ponto zero na escala richter. Muitos debandaram, em fuga. Em desespero de causa (ou de coisa) como Dante, ao chegar no inferno, renunciaram a toda esperança. Outros, mais apocalípticos, sentiram na cena dantesca a explicação para a grande fúria do mundo. Assim, renunciaram a amar as pessoas como se não houvesse amanhã.
Se o modo bombástico com que fez espirrar água em todo o mundo já foi um constrangimento, o que se seguiu fez uma velha desmaiar; matronas mais enfeitadas do que árvore de natal saíram a dar faniquito e a gritar: “Deus morreu, gente!”. Zé Bordel, que em virtude de uma constipação intestinal, há quinze dias não sabia o que é ir ao banheiro, evacuou abundantemente, ali mesmo. Aquilo subindo, a flutuar feito fétidos navios, foi um escândalo inaudito. Sem dar a mínima para o desastre intestinal, de que a límpida piscina era vítima, Zé Bordel ainda se deu à pachorra de convidar ao mergulho os horrorizados cidadãos festejantes: “Vem, gente, a água tá legal! Igualzinho lá em Paquetá!”.
Gostei da saga de Zé Bordel em meio a uréia e excrementos.
O personagem Zé Bordel foi inspirado em alguém?
Brasigois aproveitando a história que contou, dê uma olhada nesse link:
http://www.lendo.org/os-10-escritores-americanos-mais-bebados-da-historia/
Esse Zé Bordel, embora carioca, é de uma goianidade sem tanto.
Edival, em verdade o Zé Bordel é goiano do pé rachado. Essa figura existiu, peregrinou entre nós, como bebum bem real, mas foi alter-ego de alguns bardos do poetariado da goianidade, de nosso comum conhecer.
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